we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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