What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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