im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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