just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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