i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
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I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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