Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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