Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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