all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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