Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize