If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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