She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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