You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she looked like the before picture.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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