If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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