I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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