if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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