1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
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i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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