I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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