I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize