I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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