Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize