i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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