The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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