so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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