My first STD was from a foam party
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize