Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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