we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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