now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
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After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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