Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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