I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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