we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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