it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
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Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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