I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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