I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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