i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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