Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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