i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize