Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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