I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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