I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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