I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize