me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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