So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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