so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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