Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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