apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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