There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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