Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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