i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize