Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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