I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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